Like sands through the hour glass...so are the days of my life...

Still giddy...

2005-08-26T02:18:00Z

I don't really write in this, I write in myspace. So this will always be short and sweet. I work tomorrow, which sucks I guess. But after work will be fun...then I work again on Saturday. Kait and my friendship is basically effed, and I heart ice cream. Also I made this new rule where I'm not allowed to cry over a guy for a year!!! I'm pretty sure I can do it. All summer I've cried over a guy like twice. NO MORE!

wowza!

2005-08-23T04:51:51Z

I never use this anymore...life is AMAZING though. I like being single...hehe

alisarae @ 2005-03-28T22:39:00

2005-03-29T06:36:14Z

and there goes my perfect night...

I love my life

2005-03-29T05:29:30Z

I have the best boyfriend...and I had the best night tonight. Things were just so perfect, at first i thought it wasn't gunna be a good night, but God...I love him so much. I dunno how i did without him for so long...what a crazy crazy girl i am! Now I just want to be with him every second...don't worry though, we're not together that much.

After school I just went to his house and we hung out had a "talk" then we just started watching Ladder 49, then went to my house for tacos. We were up in my room and we finished watching the movie and we just cuddled and talked...i love us like we were tonight, it was so perfect adn kind of romantic in a way...just because we were together i guess, in a semi dark room cuddling. I love cuddling, I love him more though.

I am getting so sick of the speech team...like today i didn't go to practice because i freaking just got back from vacation at like 1am or later this morning, and i wanted to see thorne and had stuff to do...plus we have two practices this week including one on SATURDAY. So i get this message from darren.."hi Alisa (he says in his stupdi smug voice that makes me wanna hit him)im just at debate practice and we were all (meaning the other TWO people who showed up aparently) working on effort sheets (what the fuck is an effort sheet) and i was just wondering what you would like me to put down for you." Then i just deleted the message because i didnt feel like listening to the rest. WTF why the hell would i wanan waste two hours of my life filling out an "effort sheet", so hey darren you can put me down for zero...because i dont really give a shit. I mean why would we fill out an EFFORT sheet for something that doesnt matter. Oh yeah I got an F in debate...i mean what the heck. HEy darren what do you want me to give you for your effort as a coach...hmm think about that one biotch!

Kaitlyns results

2005-03-17T07:47:03Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	20%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I'm not happy

2005-03-17T05:01:43Z

Today is a bad day...I can't stop crying (which isn't surprising), i dunno I just mess everythign up...I don't want to mess everythign up. I'm trying soo hard...but not hard enough, I can try harder. Because I know it's important enough to me that I can do it. I just wish...it was mutually important, that way we could meet in the middle. But if I have to, ill do all of the meeting. If that's what it takes.

alisarae @ 2005-03-15T22:01:00

2005-03-16T06:01:09Z

I just feel so stuck right now, i cant even explain it, i just feel like people dont understand me or just dont care i guess. And it just makes me feel...like nothing. I think I just care to much about things and I just need to learn to let go, and get over becuase itll never change. People are different they have different ways of expressing themselves. ANd just becuase I dont understand those..."ways" doesnt mean they're wrong. And it doesn't matter because I love we can get through it.

this thing is creepily right!

2005-03-15T06:05:48Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	20%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

State here we come!!!

2005-03-06T19:05:03Z

OKAY I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR STATE. WE ARE GUNNA KICK MASSIVE BOOTY! I HOPE. OKAY EVEN I AM GUNNA WORK MY ASS OFF AND IM GUNNA HELP EVERYONE ELSE WORK THEIR ASS OFF. okay breath. Anyways we have 21 entries going to state...in case you have no clue what that means...IT'S GOOD. Now we just have to watch our for Ashland and Westview. I'm so excited.

I'm gunna plan something at my house before state, the first half will me a speech-a-thon (hehe I made that up) and every room in my house will be for a different type of speech and ill try to get leach and jodi and lori and darren and annette and judy ALL here and we can have one of them in each room, and anyone who wants to come help can...and then the second half we can have a giant party!!!

AHHH I'm SO EXCITED!!! hehehe, No I want to take first soooo bad this year...I WANT IT!!! LOl. I dunno why but I do. We need to find some way for Jon, jacob and pat to get pumped also...because they're not! hehe. OKay im gunna go ask my mom if we can have it here.

I love guitars

2005-03-06T03:54:34Z

Right now I'm at my friend Ryan's house with a bunch of people listening to Thorne play the guitar. I love it when he plays the guitar. It pretty much drives me ca-razy! Lol. Today was pretty laid back, I did some cleaning and then forced thorne to go to the movies with my family. It was funny, he and my dad complained about it the WHOLE time.

I guess we did awesome at districts, so now we can go take state (knock on wood). I'm so excited for state. My back hurts. Lol, pretty random. AHHHHH I FUHREAKING LOVE IT WHEN HE FUHREAKING PLAYS THE FUHREAKING GUITAR I WANNA FUHREAKING...something (wink wink). I'm kind of bored right now though im waiting to eat ice cream because i brought some over here. yummy. GOD IM BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yeah, okay im gunna go sleep or something. GOSH

School is insanely boring.

2005-03-04T19:38:37Z

Right now I am sitting in the journalism room during lunch...I have a life. I was going to go to Riley's house with him to grab something but then I decided to come in here. The fact that I basically only have one class left is relieving...Journalism doesn't count, I have that last period. I think I might go to work and get a massage or something, then go to the club to work out a bit. I may do something with Jessica tonight. Tomorrow I think a bunch of us are going to go to Ryan's but I'm not sure. I think on saturday before we go to Ryan's...if we do. I'm gunna surprise Thorne and make him dinner! Hopefully he doesn't read this...or else it wont be a surprise. There's not really a reason I want to make him dinner, mostly just because he doesn't think I can cook...so I WILL SHOW HIM, I'm gunna cook it ALL BY MY SELF!!!

Anyways, This weekend I'm also gunna spend a butt load of time working on homework and getting caught up with all the crap i've missed due to Berkeley and U of O. hehe I made the CUTEST e-mail last night, it took me like an hour...what a loser!

getting sick

2005-03-04T04:21:21Z

I AM NOT GETTING SICK, I WILL NOT GET SICK. Thorne is sick though...so pretty much, I'm gunna get sick. Lol. Just because we're together a lot of course ;)

I just got back from school because we had debate districts tonight, Public debate is still going on...luckily I only had to debate once, I'm going to state! Yeah. Lol, I hope we do good at state this year, that would be so exciting. Riley took me home after the "tourny" and we had a really great talk. "You never stop loving someone, you just learn to live with out them" He said that...it was cute. As much as I love talking I like listening too, maybe I should be a counselor of some sort. Hopefully I'm marry someone rich so that I can be a social worker or a teacher or something. Lol.

I'm so relieved that it's almost the weekend, I am probably going to spend Friday doing homework and relaxing, then on Saturday I think I am going to Ryan's. Thorne and I had a good talk the other night and it seemed like it will help a lot of things...I hope so. I love how I feel about him...I love it :)

I dunno if I want to go to Prom this year...I mean if my friends go then I'll want to go. But if not then I'll pry just wanna do something with Thorne. Okay well I guess I'm gunna go think about doing homework :/

A small city in Europe

2005-03-02T07:10:46Z

I love not being single, I mean I guess I had fun for a while doing the whole "friends-with-benifits-no-strings-attached thing. But God I don't miss it AT ALL. I think I'm starting to get more secure with our relationship and I'm gunna try not to worry as much. I am a big worrier and so it's hard to be with someone because I worry he'll break up with me or change his mind about things. I gotta love him for putting up with it though. I hope we're together for a LONG time...well, i know we will :)

School is going fine, I'm really behind though due to Berkeley and U of O, but I'm trying to catch up. I'm fighting to not get sick, but i can feel it coming on. I will not allow myself to get sick...I have too much going on. Getting more sleep would probably help, but that's a lost cause. I don't even know why I stay up so late, it's not like I'm doing anything.

Man I'm trying to decide how I feel about that case where the parents want their daughters husband to divorce her because she's in a vagetative state but he wont. I dunno, i mean i don't think they should just keep her like that forever but it does seem somewhat demented that they would just take out her feeding tube and let her starve together. It also seems a bit suspicious that the husband wont divorce her even though he has been living with another woman who he has two children with...odd.

Hearing about bad thigns like that makes you think...Like tonight everything is normal and I pry complain/worry about the smallest things. I mean tomorrow I could just get by a car and be dead, it just scares me and really puts things in perspective. OKay...im out.

blank

2005-03-01T05:22:41Z

It's so weird to miss someone that lives ten minutes away. Like four months ago I thought guys sucked and I always went for the worst ones, I'm not quite sure why. It's almost like I liked getting my heart broken or something, funny how that happens. But now I literally have the most perfect guy...but I'm still scared, more so even then I was with the bad guys. Because this one will hurt even more when it ends, because I've never had anyone like him. Like honestly, he says/does things that no one has ever said/done before.

It's funny to think that we almost didn't work out, because of me mostly. I almost threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me...ever. Now when I think about that I get this sick feeling in my stomache, it's crazy. It's kinda hard though, becuase he's a typical guy in certain instances as I am a typical girl...and it's hard because I want to be with him all of the time, and sometimes he just needs his space, which i never wanna give him. But I mean if it's for him I can try, I just take it personal sometimes because it seems like he hates me or something...I'm sure I'm over exagerating.

We hung out last night and it was great as usual, as long as I am in the same room as him I feel good, everything is perfect usually. I just need to stop with the drama, but I am a girl and recently I have realized most girls like drama. Lol.

I hate school, and a lot of people...today I was in the absolute weirdest mood. I can't even explain it, it was crazy.

interesting

2005-03-01T05:08:07Z

Your Erotic LJ dream by cozzette

username

you went to bed feeling

You began to dream about

ssej00

who was

causeing you pain (the good kind)

your bed

with

thier hands tied

which made you

b for m

but was interupted by

thorbeastt2

who began to

watch

You awoke

after awhile, this is good stuff after all

and you hope

that dreams do come true

chance of that happening:: 34%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

blah

2005-02-28T07:51:09Z

blah blah blah blah crazy stuff happened blah blah blah blah someone random imed me blah blah blah blah i never thought id be talkin to them again blah blah i love my boyfriend blah blah blah blah i pretty much have no friends which is somewhat frightening but somewhat not blah blah blah blah blah blah i wanna quite speech blah blah blah i got 3rd at U of O blah blah blah only one person even makes me happy anymore blah blah blah

I heart my boyfriend

2005-02-15T06:11:55Z

Tonight was amazingly amazing and i had the most perfect time and ahhh, i'm so lucky.

Ahhh...

2005-02-08T03:05:23Z

Just got done eating chinese food! I heart chinese food. I made a list of everything I heart today in APUSH, it was fun. I'm in a lot better mood than I was last night, which is great. And tomorrow Thorne is coming over for dinner, which is even greater. I think I'm gunn lay off of him...meaning I can be overwhelming sometimes, getting attached wise. And he's a guy, so I know he most likely doesn't like it...even though he's not like most guys...I think almost all guys share that trait.

Debate practice was actually productive today, which was good. I slept through speech class today and got to school at about a quarter to ten, right in time for espanol. I brought Jonathan some banana cake, and then J and I left a half hour early from class to go to the speech room. After that was lunch, then APUSH than journalism. I should probably do my homework soon, Tomorrow I have my stupid classes...meaning Honors English! That class is the most pointless class I've ever had to attend in my life. Is all i do is...talk to robin. like I said...NOTHING TO DO.

I'm not really excited for valentines day anymore, i don't even think we're doing anything...oh well.

not so good

2005-02-06T08:47:56Z

I just got back from the Linfield Tourny, adam and I did great, we were undefeated and broke to sems...in sems we lost on a 2-1 decision.

It's so weird to feel oposite feelings at the exact same time. Like I feel so happy and in like but at the same time i feel like i want to puke becuase my stomache is so nervous (pretty picture huh)? I guess I just need to step back, take a breath and realize this is how it is. I know I'll get used to it...it's definitaly worth getting used to. I mean there are most definitaly more good things than bad, and being me I take EVERYTHING personal and think it's my fault. So I just need to stop doing that before I mess the best thing i've ever had up. The best thing. Ever.

alisarae @ 2005-02-01T15:06:00

2005-02-01T23:08:50Z

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

alisarae @ 2005-01-29T23:55:00

2005-01-30T07:55:01Z

"heart pouding...flushed...dizziness...and that's only when we kiss." I read that somewhere today, and it reminded me of someone. :)

Regrets suck!

2005-01-30T00:10:27Z

I had a long conversation with a friend the other day, a lot of stuff got cleared up...but now I beleive I have a lot of regrets, but I guess I will never know now.

Anyways...on a lighter note, last night i went to Thornes house to hang out with his family. It was really fun, I love his parents and the rest of his family is fun too. I think we're going to a movie or something later tonight and we're doing stuff tomorrow too. He's a really good guy, I'm glad he wanted to be with me...who knows what he was thinking?

This morning I went out to breakfast with my parents at Central Cafe, then my mom and I went to Gresham station and I got a pair of shoes, some pants, a shawl thing, some fishnets, and a purse! Then I went to Jessica's house and we hung out for a while then went shopping, I got two more pairs of shoes. Now I am home and waiting for Thorne to call...how productive. I'll pry attempt at cleaning my room...again.

Linfield is next weekend, then berkely is two weekends after that and then U of O, the year is going by sooo soon, pretty soon it'll be the cruise and nat quals, then state! It's so crazy! Then next year I'm gunna be a senior which is scary. It goes by way too fast! anyways, I guess I'm gunna go now.

my birthday

2005-01-22T07:56:46Z

My birthday was incredibly awesome, is all i have to say is I have the most amazing friends and a great boyfriend :) hehe. Ryan had a bunch of people over his house and they all were soooo fun. Robin made me a birthday cake (my favorite kind) and Robin and Rachel got me movies...YES! And thorne got me red roses and chocolate and balloons and he burnt me a cd!!! HEHE I heart him sooo much. Jake Gregus (neighbor/practically brother) was there and I heart him too. I love having guys who are like my brothers because then they can knock some sense in to me every once in a while! I have a few of those. Anyways, Rachel Ryan Thorne and I went to rent some movies and get pizza, then we went back to Ryan's. We watched silence of the lambs and then Thorne and I went up stairs and just layed on the couch, it was fun...even though we weren't doing anything I just LOVE being with him. Hehe. Then he left :( and yeah...the people that were there were, Ryan (duh), Matt (duh), Johnny, Adam, Riley, Jake, Joe, Thorne, Phil, Kyle, Robin, Rachel, and Alexa. It was really fun, and I'm glad that i have the most awesomest friends ever. On Sunday My family and Thorne are going to my grandparents house for dinner, and hopefully tomorrow i am going bowling with jon, and if thorne comes then kels will pry come also :) itll be fun! Jon and I havent been bowling yet and I still need to give him his x-mas present! Anyways, Rachel and I just got back from Ryan's and so she's pry bored now...we're talking about sex changes, and what kind of sexual urges they would have. So I'm gunna go watch Kiss the Girls and try not to fall asleep...then in the morning THORNE'S calling me when he gets home...heheheheheheh(x10)!

:)

2005-01-17T23:17:03Z

Haven't posted in a while, I've just been insaneley busy with speech and journalism and homework. Gonzaga was really fun, I love hanging out with the team sooo much. Like honestly we just have so much fun together at tournaments. Michael (Rachel's bf) hung out with us a lot when we were at Gonz because he goes there. We had some very...interesting experiences. Like a guy in only a jock strap (one of michaels crew friends) jumped out of a van and tackled michael...ya it was, cool? Lol. And then some drunk guy told us to meet him at the erotic boutique and then something about a reefer...this was after he told us his mother in law needed a spanking. Lol.

On friday after school I went to Cafe D and out to lunch with Rachel, then i went to Thorne's and we watched 50 first dates and meet the parents. Then on Saturday it was so icey but my daddy took me over to Thornes and we hung out with Phil, I listened to them play their guitars and we played some movie game and ate cookies. I love listening to them play the guitar so much...it's so cute! Then yesterday we all went to Ryans and he made us dinner...it was soooo good! And I had fun because i love those guys and because Thorne was there :) I've been hanging out with him sooo much, but i never get tired of it. I'm so glad I finally got smart and stopped with all my dumb guy crap. Lol, it's nice I think I actually picked a good one this time...thank God. Oh yeah and on Saturday Jess spent the night, we watched not another teen movie and then in the morning she had to leave early for work so we didn't getta hang out too much. And last night Gillette spent the night and we went out to breakfast and Cafe D this morning. Now I am just waiting for my mama to get home so we can go to the store. I wanna go to the craft store to get knitting stuff because kait is gunna teach me how to knit tomorrow in HONORS english...I stress the HONORS part because of the fact that I am learning how to knit in that class because we dont do anything else. Sad.

Okay I'm gunna go...I miss Thorne :(

what else is out there?

2005-01-12T06:58:08Z

Lately I've been talking with one of my best friends about religion and some interesting things she found in the bible. Some of it makes me quite angry and I don't know how people can read that stuff. It's weird though, because when I asked some people why it says that...they proceed to answer, their answer however was from the "study notes" in their bible. Study notes? so then I ask, who writes these...study notes? They tell me some person who studied the bible. I guess my problem with this is, is how can some person...interpret what the bible means, when they weren't even there. They take these sexist, horrible things that are in the bible and try to justify it, and tell people what it "really means". I guess I just don't understand, it seems like people should read the bible and interpret it themselves. I am just having a huge problem with that...it's hard to just go on and not know what would happen if I just died tomorrow. I mean if Christianity is real and the truth...then I would go to hell. But then again, why am I not allowed to question, why is it wrong for me to doubt this? Like I dunno, and it just seems like so much of it is hypocritical...like the bible teaches you that you should forgive forgive forgive, but then they also say "an eye for an eye." Like it's so full of contradictions and things I don't understand. I want to believe so bad, but no matter how much i try to make myself, in the back of my head i have all of these doubts and i know i dont really believe.

It would be comforting to know that there was something else out there, but it just seems to far fetched to me. I mean, this book that says that there is this whole other place (heaven), and it tells all of these stories about his man who was crucified and then came back. Like I just don't understand how this is possible. People say that there are many facts in support of this. But there are also many facts in support of many things, ie. Other religions, evolution. And I mean people of other religions believe strongly that theres is the right one, so why is christianity right and not the other ones. And also, what if someone was brought up...mormon or something, it's not their faults their parents brought them up like that, i mean once your parents bring you up with a certain religion and brain wash you with it...most will stick to it. So why do those people deserve to go to hell. And what if someone is such a great person, they're honest and genuine and do great things, why do they deserve to spend forever in hell? UGH, this is all making my head hurt. I think I am just gunna go to bed and then talk to Jonathan about it in the morning, he always has a way of making me understand these things, or at least to making things make sense.

I kind of want to research different religions, maybe it will help me find what it is I'm looking for. I think a few of my friends and I may go to this unitarian church in gresham. I think it will be good for us, and at least i can have something in my life while im trying to figure this out.

On a lighter note, I'm really happy with Thorne, and I'm so glad we're together. I'm excited for valentines day. Tonight he came over for dinner and then we went to Boccellis for desert...yummy. I just don't wanna get too attached though. Lol, Christmas break was bad enough. Lol. You only get that if you were there to witness my break down...love you all